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False Domestic Violence Charges

Restraining Order Blog is not meant to harass, directly or indirectly contact, harm, imtimidate, bring any emotional distress, stalk or cyberstalk, nor intentionally slander or damage any individual in any way. Nor is it intended to initiate any third party contact on behalf of any poster or author, or violate a current restraining order in any way.

Living in a Car After False Domestic Violence Charges

by Dan Abshear (for 
ATLANTA- A year ago, after 20 years of marriage, my ex-wife falsely accused me of striking her. I didn't touch her. 

As a result of her lie, I have experienced arrest, incarceration, conviction, and loss of freedom. I am penniless and lived in my car for three months. I ate out of trash cans.

I now have temporary accommodation courtesy of a Veteran's Administration program for homeless men. I am 44-years-old.

I had made good money as a pharmaceutical salesman for companies such as Merck, Pfizer and Novartis. But I had been laid off and depressed for a year. 

The night my former wife falsely accused me of violent crimes, she took my daughter and moved in with a girlfriend, who also had falsely accused her own husband a few years ago. I'm convinced they planned this together. 

She filed a restraining order against me and I had two minutes to get out of my home. When I tried to retrieve a pair of shoes from my wife's SUV, I was arrested and spent 41 days in jail. While I was in jail, she sold our $250,000 house and captured all our joint assets. I had paid $30,000 of the down payment for that house.

I've been denied access to my 12-year-old-daughter entirely. The pain of this particular injury is indescribable.

My primary concern is the safety and well-being of my daughter. In fact, men typically do not leave an abusive relationship because they often fear for their children's safety. I raised my daughter. My wife never participated.


Gender biased stereotypes have ultimately placed me at the mercy of our pathetic family law system who absolutely know nothing about me. They do not care to know me.

The following was retrieved from, '50 Domestic Violence Myths':

1. Women are just as likely as men to engage in partner aggression, according to hundreds of studies. Partner violence, if it happens, is often mutual. Self defense accounts for only fifteen percent or so of partner aggression.

2. Less than five percent of domestic violence incidents involve couples in an intact marital relationship, such as mine was. Studies show marriage is clearly the safest partner relationship. In fact, most cases of family conflict do not involve physical violence at all. Mine never did.

3. I have a restraining order against me now. Over 2/3 of restraining orders issued are determined to be either unnecessary or false. Also, these orders do not prevent future violence from happening.

In fact, restraining orders may encourage violence.

Also, if I attempt to reconcile, I will get arrested. If I send my daughter a birthday card, I will be in jail. I've not spoken with or seen my wife or daughter in over two months now. Yet I've been arrested often during this time.

There is overt gender bias in the family law system. For example, if a man kills his wife, he will get about 20 years in prison, as he should. However, if a woman kills her husband, she will get about 5 years in prison.

Also, in divorce court, women are granted sole custody of their children about 65 percent of the time. There is in fact a frightening fatherhood crisis in our country. All modesty aside, as a dad, I completely rock out loud.

I'm a victim of domestic abuse myself. I suffered over a decade of brutal physical and emotional child abuse that you likely do not want to know about. 

Meanwhile, I suggest that others stay out of this system. Resolve your disputes through negotiation. Do not share your dirty laundry with these anti-family law enforcers. Do not fight for your rights in a courtroom. By that time, it is too late.

I'm presently losing this battle, but I continue to stand up after I've been slammed to the ground several times. I'll stand up again.

I'm not angry or hateful about what is happening to me- this surreal nightmare that has manifested into a bizarre reality. I will not lower myself to be this way ever. And I will also never live in fear as a result of what is happening to me. If I do become fearful, I will lose this fight completely. And this is a fight I cannot lose. I love my daughter way too much.

So likely I will be in jail again. This is just a fact about my life now. That's OK, though. Because some battles need to be fought, and the results can lead to suffering.

So I fight.

This article is from Dan's Blog

Dan Abshear

If you feel there is anything on our Restraining Order Blog that is slanderous, untrue, or illegal, please bring it to our attention. Our Restraining Order Blog Legal Staff will examine your request promptly, and any post you find offensive will be reviewed and possibly removed in a timely mannner


  1. I had 2 daughters also that I raise I haven't see them for 3 years, will never see them again, my ex has the best dirty lawyer of the silicone valley, each time I try something I found myself with new false allegations threat, this system terrified me. I piratically lost my mind to be separate from my 2 daughters. The strongest win, and yes this is warr.

  2. I'm so sorry this happened to you. My friend and I were also victims of false claims of domestic violence. The biggest difference being, that we're both female, and our petitioner, (A), is a male. Not only is he male, he's not even an American citizen. In my friend's tro, she was accused of:heckling him at a horse show, contacting his clients with negative information, physically assaulting him, (he's 6'4", 230 lbs), making false police reports, posting about him on don', sending his girlfriend at the time, a page from the same website, and that, was the only thing she actually did, of all the allegations. Unbelievable! She's a nurse with no criminal record, but had a 12 years involvement with the petitioner, who abused her physically and emotionally for years. My tro was more complicated. There were no false claims of physical violence, but rather, he had put a spin on some recent texts I sent him, and said I was threatening murder/suicide. He also said I was stalking him. I live 170 miles away from him, and I dumped him 2months before he got the tro's. I saw him one time in 3 months, but I was stalking him? Thank god, the judge had the good sense to order a one year mutual no contact order in my friend's case, and a 6 month mutual no contact order in mine. He was threatening another recent ex-girlfrend with a tro, but before he could follow through, she died in a mysterious one car accident. There were no witnesses.

  3. same with me in kissimme,fl.a girlfriend filed a domestic injunction on me claiming i beat her up.she filed it the morning after i called the police on her and she was charged with marijuana possession on aug 5,2008.she left for the night while police were there and filed an injunction the next day stating i beat her up in june 2008 and she was afraid.which was a total LIE.if all that really happened why the heck would we be still sleeping together,having company over,celebrating my birthday on july 12th together going to my friends funeral in july together.she filed it immediatly after i called the cops on her and she was charged with marijuana possession because i didnt want no drugs at my house period.and in the injunction for her to make sure she got me out the house she stated i had family living in orlando i go go stay with which was also a lie because all my family been living out of state since anyways i get arrested for violation of an injunction on the 500ft rule because i was at a friends house that was inside 500ft but i wasnt near her but she knew i was i go to jail and the hearing comes around and so the judge advises me not to speak because i also have the violation case coming up so i dont speak which basically ties my hands behind my back as far as defending myself against the when my violation case comes around and my public defender even brought to light that she filed the injunction out of revenge for me calling the police on her the day befor and you know what the judge didnt even want to hear the truth.but florida law says that they must look at the relationship as a whole and the circumstances surrounding the injunction.the whole time we were together we never had the police at our house until her marijuana incident but if i supposedly beat her up why didnt she call the police or file the injunction in june when i supposedly beat her up.why would she wait until i had to call the police on her to get her and her drugs away from the house.kind of odd dont you think.then on top of all that.while an injunction is in place the accuser is not supposed to do away with the other persons belongings if they are incarcerated.when they get out of jail they are supposed to call the police to escort them to retrieve their belongings.i did so and she got rid of all of my clothes shoes personal stuff and the stuff i did see she still had was mine i told the officer it was mine and she flat out lied and said nope thats her stuff and the officer said well she said its hers and i cant let you take it.she even kept things that belonged to my sister that was at the i had nothing but the clothes on my back and no place to and why are they allowed to get away with this stuff?

  4. The laws in the state of Florida are upside down due to laws being written to protect incorrectly. I ATTEMPTED TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE BY ASKING FOR FOR FORGIVENESS AND A HUG. What every husband that loves his wife does. Instead of forgiveness I was arrested and placed in jail three times all because I love her and tried to save my marriage. If this is how Florida treats a husband that did no harm to to wife men watch out.

  5. It is all a money game for the entire legal system in Florida. I was arrested and jailed for "I Love You" Messages I left on her phone when we were both seeing each other, with a restraining order in place.

  6. Bunch of cry babies

  7. wow look at this person calling people cry babies because due process rights were violated and lives are ruined because of another persons lies.......get a life you piece of trash

  8. That's probably my petitioner's attorney, who was fired, calling us cry babies. She has a habit of running her mouth, and stalking me. Yes, it made my heart leap up in song, to find out she was fired because of her unethical involvement in our tro hearings. My objective was to get her fired, maybe disbarred, and for the witnesses to apologize to us, and admit they lied in their statements. I almost got all of these things, and more. Don't stand for this bullshit, FIGHT BACK!

  9. well i guess i am lucky after all the stories i was assalted by my wife soon to be ex wife , that night july 13 2011 police came to house she or i did not said about hitting police ask me to police since there is no evidence of violence that night we spoke on ph and decided we will talk in the morning , she went to police and filed police report then went to juveline court signed the protection order , did not went to sing warrent . any way she lied on police report and protection order and admitted in court but told other lies after 2 months and 4 hearings judge gave time for everybody to speak from her side 2 witness and her and they told lies back from 2002 but before my turn to testify judge already made up mind did not issue protection order but told me i cannot go to my home see my kids or anycontact with them , i dont know if verbal order means anything since there is no actuall protection order , even after admitting lies judge still gave her favor .

  10. my 7 year old step son that I so dearly miss and Love,was sick in the hospital with cancer.he Fought it.During his healing stages his mother started having a affair,unaware of it .My ex started getting really weird on me.Me thinking it the stress of our son.She would start hitting on me.Soon as I would restrain her and try to calm her down,She would call the cops.
    Off to jail I went.During time in jail my ex would leave our son at peoples houses,well the constant changes to house to house our son got a respiratory infection.He later past away.My ex still worried about her affair learned about the DV Restraining order steps and followed it step by step.only to keep me away from my two biological not only have I lost my step son.I lost my biological children.

  11. Your story is just a repete of pete and a repete of pete. Point being it is the same all the time. Same story about Pete. Year after year the radical feminist groups get billions in funding to support this system which systematically destroys men, their families and any possibility of a positive post divorce environment. its driven by the greed of the people who surround the divorce industry and in conjunction with title IV-D of the Social Security Act it becomes a cash cow for the local judiciary. Start reading about the Violence against Women's act and call on your congressmen to abolish and oppose this sick legislation. The only way to stop your case from happening to someone else is to defund VAWA.

  12. This is awful and needs to be changed.

  13. I, like many men across the country are the "True" victims thanks to the Domestic Violence laws as they are currently written.. Even after three, YES, 3 false restraining orders against me were dismissed for "failure to meet the requirements of the law" the damage was already done.

    This law allowed me to be kicked out of my home, lose the state license required for my job (which had me fired), had my handgun and weapons permits taken away (also needed to work) and worst of all I have been removed from my children's lives depriving them of their rights as well as mine...

    What sense does it make that the initial temporary orders are issued with only the statement of the supposed victim (by the same judges that dismissed them) if they didn't meet the requirements of the law to begin with?

    Now, my wife has used the initial issuance of these injunctions to create the illusion of being a victim and she is fraudulently accessing several public and private benefits and services while being allowed to violate the law by being allowed to hide our children and deny visitation.

    All while I struggle to make it through each day trying to find work and maintain our home to have upon our children's anticipated return while continually worrying about my children... and no agency or organization will offer me, the "man" any assistance.

    Go here and sign the petition2congress:

    1. Scott, how are things for you now? I am in this very same situation. My wife decided she wanted to have an affair. When I found out, then the requests for divorce began. When I didn't agree to a divorce, that's when things got ugly. Multiple episodes where she called the police solely because I was pleading with her to not walk away from our marriage and ruin our children's lives. This all happened about a year ago. In January 2012, she takes our kids and checks into a battered womens shelter. Of course, they accepted her on her word...not on any evidence that any domestic violence had occurred because it hadn't. For the better part of a year, things were up and down. I would find out where she was, and then they would move her and the kids somewhere else. For several months, she was at least civil in at least allowing me to see my children on weekends and during the week after school. Then all of a sudden, visitations came to a halt. My last attempted contact resulted in my being handcuffed and stuffed into the back of a police car for two hours, a temporary 1 week restraining order, and a false statement by a women's shelter worker on a police report that I had brandished a handgun (I had not). When this happened, I was done. No more was I going to try to save a marriage that absolutely seemed like it was over. If she would go to the extreme to allow me to be picked up by the police, it's obvious that she cared for nobody but herself. Fortunately, I was not arrested or charged. There was no evidence that I had done anything wrong. All I did that day was leave a letter begging and pleading to see my children. Fast forward 6 months. I've met someone new, in a great relationship. Divorce case filed and should have decree and custody documents any day now. Soon to be ex-wife never responded to paperwork served as part of the divorce because she could not be served due to hiding out and not allowing anyone to contact her. So I'm expecting a default divorce. For most of the time all of this has been going on, she has been getting public and private benefits, even though she had access to our bank accounts and money. She would not touch one penny in our bank for fear she would lose any of these benefits she was accessing. In addition, with our divorce almost complete, she just filed a domestic violence restraining order and request for full custody of our children case in San Francisco Family Court. I've been dealing with all of this on my own, not having the kinds of money it takes to hire lawyers. I have a court date on February 6th, and I am trying to decide how best to convince the judge that my soon to be ex-wife has been scheming all along to gain access to a system of benefits and all of her allegations of domestic violence are false In any case, I know it's been a few months since you posted here. Hoping you'll see this. I'm going to sign your petition if it's still up. There is a small sliver of happiness in my life because of my new relationship and a baby on the way. But this situation with my soon to be ex and my two sons is taking it's toll on me and my fiance. Thanks much. Hoping to hear back from you. Sincerely, Chris

  14. My son was falsely accused this weekend by his college girlfriend. He spent 4 days in jail due to the holiday. He did absolutely nothing. She simply wanted revenge. He was arrested with zero evidence based solely on her statement. Due to the mandatory protective order he has literally been forced to leave college.
    How can this be possible? How can he have no rights?

  15. Just a few years with a bpd partner,by the time she gets rid of you,you be a total mess. BP women wuld not want to see you survive when its over. Stay away from bp people.