This Blog is intended for educational and informational purposes only. Some posters are court ordered to have no contact of any kind with the person having a Restraining Order against them. Meaning no third party contact as well. If you by chance know a person one of our posters/authors is discussing to share their experiences with others, we ask you to respect our rights to free speech, under the United States Constitution. Restraining Order Blog is not meant to harass, directly or indirectly contact, harm, intimidate, bring any emotional distress, stalk or cyberstalk, nor intentionally slander or damage any individual in any way. Nor is it intended to initiate any third party contact on behalf of any poster or author, or violate a current restraining order in any way either. If you feel there is anything here that is slanderous, untrue, or illegal, please bring it to our attention. We will examine your request promptly, and any post you find offensive will be reviewed for removal in a timely manner. If you have a story to share, email me at, and I will add you as an author on Restraining Order Blog.


Restraining orders at US Customs and Border Protection

Angela, the woman who had restraining orders against me for about eight years, successfully petitioned for her first restraining order against me in Dec 2008.  After I was served with the copy of the final restraining order, there was little further drama for a couple of years and I avoided contact with Angela.  During those first two years, I was unable to travel internationally due to financial limitations.

After a couple of years, though, that changed when improvements in my employment situation led to more travel both personally and for work.  During my first trip to Canada, there were no problems in leaving the US, but the experience when returning to the US was definitely different with a restraining order in effect.  In flying back to the US from Canada, at most of the major Canadian airports one clears US Customs and Border Protection in Canada before boarding one's flight, rather than at the US destination airport.  This is known as "preclearance".  When I arrived at the preclearance location, the process of clearing customs started in the normal way.  But at a certain point it became evident that something had showed up on the officer's screen that he wasn't happy with.  He started asking questions like "have you ever been arrested?" and "what brought you to Canada?"  Eventually he put my documents in a folder, wrote some kind of code on the customs form, and directed me to a back room known as the "secondary inspection" area.

Secondary inspection is a mechanism by which US Customs detains travelers for more intense inspections.  At the primary inspection area, the officers are generally allotted only a limited amount of time to screen each traveler.  If the traveler cannot be cleared in that time frame, they are sent to secondary inspection where there is a much longer delay.  People get sent to secondary inspection for various reasons.  Sometimes it is random.  Sometimes people's answers at primary inspection don't quite add up in the estimation of the officer.  Sometimes noncitizens are entering the US with more complex paperwork than an ordinary tourist or business traveler and it takes more time to process their entry.  It seems, however, that with an active restraining order, one gets sent to secondary inspection most of the time whether a citizen or not.

Mostly for me secondary inspection just involved a delay.  The first few trips to secondary inspection resulted in delays of about 45 minutes or so.  I've heard of much longer delays though.  When going through preclearance a delay can present a problem because if delayed for too long, one can miss one's flight.  That first time, I waited for about 45 minutes without much to do (you have to turn off all electronic devices in the secondary inspection area).  After about 45 minutes, I was finally called up to see an officer in the secondary inspection area.  The actual questions at secondary inspection were quite brief--no more detailed than at primary inspection.  The officer did mention Angela by name and asked a bit about the restraining order, but not in a lot of detail.  He also briefly searched my luggage and then cleared me to proceed and catch my flight.

After my first trip to secondary inspection, I'd hoped that they would have "cleared" the restraining order in their system and noted that, although I had a restraining order, there were no associated arrests or warrants that would lead to a problem entering the country.  However it seemed that the process of clearing secondary inspection had to be repeated each time.  My second trip abroad was just a few weeks later, and this time I went to Asia and cleared US customs stateside.  Again the officer at primary inspection noticed something awry in my records and asked me some questions that were directed at the restraining order, and sent me to secondary inspection.  There I waited, again for about 45 minutes, before being cleared to enter the country.

These trips to secondary inspection presented a couple of problems for me.  One is that they were embarrassing especially when traveling on business with people who didn't know about the order and presumably thought of me as an upstanding member of the community.  It is embarrassing to be singled out of a group one is traveling with and directed to a back room for further questioning.  If traveling with a group on business, I often ended up coming up with an excuse to not travel back with the group to avoid this embarrassment.  I'd still fly out to the foreign destination with the group, as I never had problems leaving the US.  But I might ask to take a couple of days off to visit the foreign country as a tourist, thereby avoiding traveling back with the group.  Alternatively, if the other members of the group opted for their own reasons to stay in the other country for a few days as tourists, I'd come up with a reason why I needed to return immediately--and therefore could be sure of traveling on a different flight.  Fortunately, I've never had to travel internationally so much that these habits attracted too much attention.

I also noticed that the customs officials at preclearance locations in Canada were just a notch less intimidating than their counterparts at US airports.  I believe that is because the preclearance officers in Canada don't directly have the powers of arrest since they are not in their own country.  For this reason, when returning to the US from a business trip in Asia, I would often arrange to connect through an airport in Canada so as to clear US customs in Canada.

The questions asked at secondary inspection generally seemed to assume a past relationship between myself and Angela, because restraining orders are often sought in divorce cases.  The questioning would usually open with something like "who's Angela?", "have you ever been married?", or "are you still married to Angela?"  In fact I've never been married to Angela, but they seem to make certain assumptions in these secondary inspections.  One officer did tell me that the reason for such an inspection is to verify that the two people aren't travelling together, which would be a violation of the order.  Regardless of the reasons for the secondary inspection, these trips to secondary inspection were probably the most inconvenient part of having a restraining order against me.  Once the final restraining order expired, I have never again had to go to secondary inspection.


Restraining Order Blog is not meant to harass, directly or indirectly contact, harm, imtimidate, bring any emotional distress, stalk or cyberstalk, nor intentionally slander or damage any individual in any way. Nor is it intended to initiate any third party contact on behalf of any poster or author, or violate a current restraining order in any way. If you feel there is anything on our Restraining Order Blog that is slanderous, untrue, or illegal, please bring it to our attention. Our Restraining Order Blog Legal Staff will examine your request promptly, and any post you find offensive will be reviewed and possibly removed in a timely mannner


Episcopal Priest Bob Malm Files Bogus Protective Order

Episcopal priest Bob Malm, rector of Grace Episcopal Church in Alexandria VA, has filed a bogus restraining order against my son.

In his filing, Malm claims that a blog I write, located at, somehow threatens him because I, and two female family members, use the handle, “The Killer B’s,” on the site. The moniker, which is the name of a classic rock band in Richmond VA, is one we use because, like the band members, we all have names that begin with the letter B.

Malm also knowingly takes other words and phrases out of context. For instance, his campaign of shunning, which he directed at my son after he complained about questionable business and governance practices in the parish, has been described as “psychological torture,” by experts. Yet he claims that somehow using those words is a threat.

The trial court judge listened to a whole lot of bull from Malm about people allegedly being mean to him and more, none of which has anything to do with a restraining order. Malm also acknowledged that my son has never threatened him. Yet the judge granted the order anyway.

The case is going up on appeal, but regardless of the outcome, you should know the facts about Bob Malm’s behavior. To make matters worse, the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia so far is backing Malm and refuses to address his bullying behavior.

Meanwhile, Malm has taken to calling my son’s employer, his current church, and even family friends in an effort at harassment and intimidation. Malm’s wife, Leslie, has ignored a previous written request for no further contact on at least three occasions. Starting to sound to me like they are stalkers.

Oh, and I am dying of emphysema. Needless to say, this is the last thing I or my family need to be dealing with right now. The fact that Bob Malm and the Episcopal Church think it’s okay to bully a dying woman and her family tells you everything you need to know about them.

Shame on the Episcopal Church for allowing such outrageous and appalling behavior by a priest.

PS Leslie Malm has started telling people that my son has admitted that my blog is his, and that he has claimed I am 92. Both statements are false.


Father Lies To Get California Restraining Order


I am writing to anyone and everyone to seek help and justice, I am a desperate mother and this is only part of my story. Unfortunately there are many more unbelievable facts...

My husband has taken his cruelty to a horrific level, he is using the legal system as a method of abuse against my children and I. I know for a fact that this is abuse, why no one has helped me yet I can't say BUT I do know one thing, I want to start a non profit for women and men in my situation because there is no help out there for us, the ones who are in the worst crisis and being looked at as the criminal and watching our abuser get away with what seems should be impossible. My children are both severely autistic and their human rights are being stripped from them as well as mine, their mother. My husband is extremely manipulative, so much in fact, that he appears calm and innocent but it is all just an act that took me 11 years to see through. He is very psychologically and mentally abusive, and no one will help me yet. My husband has 2 brothers  who are active human sex traffickers and many other criminal activities. My name is Alicia and I have 2 wonderful autistic children ages 2 and 10, boy and girl. My son is Alexander and my daughter Vanessa and they are my life and I have not seen them in a month because their father lied to police to get a restraining order. I lost everything and now am trying my best to trust God and that he has a plan but right now I am in complete darkness. I need an attorney to help and I found a little help from a lawyer in Sacramento but I am really struggling more than anyone should have to. I lost my children, husband, home, job, everything I own, my well being and I didn't do anything wrong at all. He has had me taken in on 2 5150 calls and he lied about all of it and I can prove it but am very scared of specking in the room when he is there. He has been extremely psychologically abusive to myself and my children and I struggle to speak clearly and not stutter when in the courtroom with him. If you can help me in any way possible I would be forever indebted. I don't deserve this, no one does. 

Thank you​

Alicia De'Coligny

Restraining Order Blog is not meant to harass, directly or indirectly contact, harm, imtimidate, bring any emotional distress, stalk or cyberstalk, nor intentionally slander or damage any individual in any way. Nor is it intended to initiate any third party contact on behalf of any poster or author, or violate a current restraining order in any way. If you feel there is anything on our Restraining Order Blog that is slanderous, untrue, or illegal, please bring it to our attention. Our Restraining Order Blog Legal Staff will examine your request promptly, and any post you find offensive will be reviewed and possibly removed in a timely mannner


Angela's tits and her restraining order against me

There are a lot of websites out there that discuss restraining orders--with a general sense that restraining orders are very easy to get from the point of view of the petitioner--but there is not a lot of discussion about what actually happens at a restraining order hearing.  I thought I would share a little bit about what happened at my own restraining order hearing.  Bear in mind that I am not a lawyer--I was proceeding pro se at my hearing--but I would imagine that there are others without the financial resources to retain an attorney who could benefit from learning what happens at a hearing.

Angela's first, temporary restraining order against me.  It was in effect from Nov - Dec 2008.  A four year injunction was issued in Dec 2008 and renewed, after a brief gap, in Jan 2013.  It expired in Jan 2017.

The woman who had a restraining order against me, and all the power that that gave her with respect to me, is named Angela.  A restraining order typically starts with the petitioner--Angela--going to court on her own and suing for a restraining order.  During the first hearing, the respondent (me) isn't present and typically doesn't even know about the petition yet.  The judge may (and usually does) grant the restraining order for a short time on Angela's evidence only.  However, the restraining order wasn't considered in effect until I was served.  During this brief time interval, Angela emailed me to say that I imagined myself to be in a relationship with her and she needed to defend herself.  This was a reference to the restraining order although I didn't know it yet.  The next day I was served with a copy of the order by law enforcement while at work.  In her petition against me, among other things, Angela alleged harassment on the grounds that I had made inappropriate comments about her breasts and had propositioned her sexually.

In other words this was a "no means no" type of restraining order.  Angela was saying that "no means no"--reasonable--but also saying she somehow needed the courts to enforce this--not so reasonable in my view.  In particular it wasn't even claimed that I'd in any way refused to accept her "no" to any sexual advance I might have made.

It took a total of three restraining order hearings to resolve the case.  At the first restraining order hearing, I successfully motioned for a continuance on the grounds that the petition had been served late on me.  It had in fact been served late, and the matter was continued for two weeks.

At the second restraining order hearing, I attempted to get the matter dismissed on jurisdictional grounds.  Angela and I once lived in the same state, but have since moved away to different states, so there are three different states involved:  my current state, her current state, and the past state where we both lived.  Angela filed the restraining order in her current state of residence.  I attempted to argue that Angela's allegations--whether true or false--had little to do with her current state, and the matter would more appropriately be heard either in my current state of residence or the past state where we both lived.  Despite the fact that Wisconsin law at the time didn't allow jurisdiction for out of state respondents, Angela was given ten days to provide proof of Wisconsin residence.  She apparently was able to do so, and a third restraining order hearing was scheduled.

Technically no restraining order was in effect between the second and the third hearings, as the existing temporary order could not be extended further.

At the third and final restraining order hearing, Angela and I were the second of two couples scheduled for restraining order hearings that afternoon.  The first couple's hearing was at 1:30pm followed by ours at 2:00pm--giving a sense that the court allowed about a half hour for such hearings.  The judge started the hearing by saying he was denying my motion to dismiss on jurisdictional grounds.  The judge then swore both of us--Angela as petitioner and myself as defendant--in as witnesses.  And there is where I fear that I may have made my first mistake being unfamiliar with the law--although I cannot be sure for exactly the same reason (I am unfamiliar with the law).  In agreeing without questioning it to be sworn in as a witness, I was perhaps foolishly forgoing my Fifth Amendment rights against self incrimination.  Angela clearly hoped to pursue not just a restraining order against me but also she wanted to pursue criminal charges.  I do not believe I ever did anything that rose to the level of a criminal offense.  And Angela never made any headway whatsoever--either before or after the hearing--in pursuing criminal charges against me.  Yet the threat made me nervous especially given that I had no legal representation.  I do not believe I committed a crime but without legal counsel to advise me on how to approach testifying I was quite nervous about suddenly being thrust by the judge into a position of testifying.

The judge then questioned Angela about why she was seeking a restraining order against me.  She reiterated essentially the same claims she had made in her written petition.  The judge allowed her to gloss over the part of her petition where she alleged that I had commented inappropriately on the subject of her breasts.  Notably, however, he did ask her to testify as to her current place of residence--bear in mind that I had previously challenged the petition on jurisdictional grounds.

Next the judge questioned me as to Angela's allegations.  This is where I may have made my second mistake.  Because I didn't know what might or might not have placed me at risk of criminal prosecution, I answered the questions truthfully--but in as noncommittal a way as possible.  As such I probably didn't make a very good impression as a witness--I probably seemed rather evasive.  I would have benefited from either taking the Fifth or discussing with an attorney how best to present my side of the story without exposing myself to greater legal risk.

The final stage of the hearing was when the judge allowed me to directly question (cross examine) Angela as to her allegations.  I had not been expecting this--indeed I had expected the hearing to already be dismissed by this point on jurisdictional grounds--and was not prepared for how best to question her.  Moreover, I was embarrassed both for myself and for Angela about the intimate nature of her allegations, involving discussions of her breasts and my comments on them.  I was not prepared emotionally to have a discussion on such matters in an open courtroom.  As such, I asked Angela only one rather weak question and let it go at that.

I should say that there is some truth to some of the allegations that Angela made in her petition.  However, she often didn't tell the full story, suggesting that any advances I might have made were completely unwelcome, whereas in fact she was often at least somewhat receptive.  Had I been prepared to properly cross examine her, I would have asked her--for example--why when she claimed that my phone calls to her were unwelcome in her petition, she always called me back and adopted a friendly tone of voice.  I do not know what the outcome would have been had I done so.  However because of my embarrassment about the intimate nature of some of her allegations, I never properly cross examined her.  As such, Angela's claims were accepted at face value and the restraining order was put into effect.

As I noted earlier, my main purpose in writing this is to explain what happens at a restraining order hearing--at least at mine--to offer some clues as to how a future defendant might be better prepared than I was.  I am not a lawyer and, of course, the best bet is to hire a lawyer--but if legal representation is not an option understanding as much about the process in advance seems to me to be the next best bet.


Personal Protection Order (PPO) Questions

Here are some Personal Protection Order Questions from one of our readers.

My wife left me out of the blue, took $20,000 out of our mutual bank accounts, took both vehicles, took our dogs, furniture, shut off our electric, my phone, our cable and internet, and moved into her boyfriends home.  I lost my job because I could not call in or get to work.  Then she told the police that I had chest bumped her, so they came to my home everyday for 9 days while she removed property from the home.  I could not do anything about it.  After 2 weeks of her torture I was able to get back on my feet, at this point she had played the victim and painted me black to everyone I know, nobody would even speak to me.  He cousin messaged me one day after I had met with the Catholic Diocese in regards to my wife abruptly leaving our marriage trying to figure out what I may have done to deserve this.  In talking with her cousin I stated our marriage vows to him, for better or for worst, sickness and in health, till death do us part.  He forwarded this to her and she got a PPO put on me for a death threat and stating that I have many guns.  I dont even own a gun.  I also stated to her cousin that she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which she also reported was false in her PPO request.  I have her books, her diagnosis from her psych doc, and a letter she had written to me stating she was diagnosed with that.  I also have all of her appointments and medications she was to be on as she used my HSA card to pay for everything.  My wife recently gave me HPV, 3.5 years after being together.  We had also just bought our dream home.  She had to have a oblation done because of the damage it did to her cervix.  We were only in our new home for 3 weeks, just got the OK to have children and she bolted, taking everything.  Just recently I had went to a mutual friends two year old sons birthday party to drop off a gift.  I pulled into a parking lot close to the building where the party was, not even the same parking lot as the building and as I stepped outside the vehicle there where two police men that pulled up behind me. 
 They asked my name, I told them who I was and they place me in their vehicle under arrest for a PPO violation.  My wife was at the birthday party, I did not know, and at a minimum 300ft from the building.  I never even seen her, she heard that I was coming and had the police waiting for me to arrive.  How can this even be legal?  I was told by the police that she calls at least twice a day claiming PPO violations, they stated that she called the night before reporting she seen me but I never even left my home.  I have never contacted her in any way shape or form.  Ohh, she was taken off her meds for 3 months during the HPV thing, so that we could start having children as soon as she was cleared.  My assumption is she lost her sense of reality, all she can do to save her behind in divorce is has me locked up.  I did file a motion against the PPO the day I received it, however it took 45 days to get a court date.  I am supposed to go to court for this in 13 days, however I now have to deal with this mess.  What are my rights, and why is it that woman can just say whatever they want with no evidence and they believe them, yet I have all the evidence in the world and cant get anyone to even look at it.  HELP!!


Victimized By Florida Restraining Order

I'm being victimized in the same way as the blog mentions my wife lied to get into shelter and had painted me as an abuser when she's never been abused ever in her life. They pressured her to file a Florida restraining order with promise of $1500 which she did it to get this money but now can't text or call me
Any help how to deal with this please contact me - it seems the government is against me based on her word alone and prevents me from talking to my spouse to work out the marital problems and uses its taxpayer funds to help her when she is not in any real need - it's like an innocent man trying to go against a system that is above the law and the injustice is rampant with no recourse for the innocent man like myself... 
I feel like I'm the victim in this whole thing being victimized by the shelter and system that's above the law and is funded by tax dollars with no checks to see if the woman's telling the truth just believe whatever lie she tells to give her benefits and free legal help etc when I have to hire lawyer to defend myself etc and they prevent married people from working out their issues because you aren't allowed to speak to your spouse etc instead they should offer counseling to try to save marriages - this is Florida it's happening to me in and they claim to be family friendly state - bs 
If anyone has any help please post something here for me


The Harm of False Domestic Violence Allegations

The Harm of False Domestic Violence Allegations

Alexa Martin

Every couple fights, the only difference is how heated the fight becomes and what actions take place following the spark of the argument. Take Jeff and his girlfriend, for instance. Both are in their mid-twenties and his girlfriend tends to ‘go off the deep end’ when arguing. Last week, she called the cops on him and claimed he grabbed her by the wrists in attempt to control her. While Jeff was grabbing her wrists in defense, the police arrested Jeff and now he is undergoing extensive scrutiny by police as well as the public. Jeff’s girlfriend called the cops in an emotional state where she thought she could just have Jeff removed for the night. Instead, he is now potentially faced with life-altering judgements by society as well as a restraining order.

False Domestic Abuse Allegations
It is common for a man or woman to call the police during an altercation if an argument gets emotionally and physically charge in efforts to protect oneself. There are many common examples of false abuse allegations such as:

·       Self-defense situations
·       Automatic reactions to pranks
·       Unintentionally blocking the exit
·       Holding the arms of the other person during an altercation.

The list of possible false abuse allegations is extensive but the bottom line is that once a domestic violence call is made, the police must continue the investigation. Typically, nobody can drop the charges but the district attorney. This means that if you claim domestic abuse in the home, and regret it later due to the false allegation, it is now in the hands of the law and the repercussions will follow the abuser.
Most states are required to follow through with an arrest during a domestic violence call to ‘error on the side of caution’. Often restraining orders are brought to the alleged abuser to separate the two-people involved in the violent altercation. Unfortunately, according to an organization called Save Services, 70% of restraining orders are false and 700,000 people are wrongfully arrested for domestic violence every year. Since a restraining order is an official court order, regardless of if you committed domestic violence or not, there are serious consequences if any violation occurs. Craig Orent, a specialized domestic violence lawyer, lays out the different forms of domestic violence:

·       Physical Violence
·       Sexual abuse
·       Psychological abuse
·       Emotional abuse
·       Forced economic dependency

Each form of domestic violence has different repercussions depending on the violence and severity in each case. For example, according to Arizona law, domestic violence can be anything like:

·       Intimidation
·       Harassment
·       Stalking
·       Videotaping without consent
·       Endangerment
·       Kidnapping
·       Emotional abuse
·       Aggressive behavior

The unjust nature of false accusations of domestic abuse extend beyond tarnishing another person's’ reputation in their family, society, and the workplace, but subjecting someone to a restraining order can result in serious fines or jail time if the wrongfully accused ‘abuser’ unintentionally violates the court order. Additionally, the alleged abuser could potentially walk away with an arrest, fines, and jail time for a false conviction; on the other hand, the district attorneys in the United States have never prosecuted the person who made the false claim. Essentially, one party could lose everything while the guilty party could walk away unscathed.

Ultimately, Jeff did not receive jail time because the case was built upon facts and the facts only showed how great he was as a boyfriend- no sign of any abuse. His record was clean, he cooperated with the police force, he hired an experienced attorney, and he is one of the lucky ones that is able to move on knowing he was exonerated.

Domestic violence is a horrible crime that deserves to be punished, but a false allegation is also detrimental and can lead to penalties in all aspects of life. Awareness about the effects of domestic violence false allegations and unnecessary restraining orders is imperative in order maintain a society who upholds justice.